I’ve spent the past 4-5 months or so dreading turning 30. I have never been the type to dread birthdays and I hated that I was dreading this one. I’ve always loved celebrating the day I entered the world! I wasn’t one ofthose people who do not age gracefully!
But the anticipation of this one felt like a weight. One of those 400 pound ones. Without a spotter.
Why? A million reasons. None of which were logical or valid. Which made it frustrating to me to have that sense of foreboding. I’m a logical person. And it was not logical to dread this birthday.
I’m happy to report that my feelings have changed. Hallelujah.
I started thinking about what I would tell my 20-year-old self if I could go back and have coffee with her. She and I aren’t completely different people. And yet we are. It’s like Jakob Dylan says, “I haven’t changed, but I know I ain’t the same...”
20-year-old Lauren was pretty cool, but I think she doesn’t hold a candle to 30-year-old Lauren. #justsayin
Nevertheless, here’s what I would say:
1. Dance every chance you get.
2. Drink lots of water. Your skin will thank you. People will ask you all the time how to get your skin and the answer will be the same every time: water. Also, stop eating dairy. 30-year-old Lauren will wish you had given it up much sooner than you did. And wear sunscreen.
3. You cannot give to others what you, yourself do not already possess. If you want others to feel at rest around you, you have to be at rest on the inside. If you want to be a person of wisdom to others, you have to possess wisdom first. If you want to bring others joy, you have to first carry joy.
4. You’re going to have some amazing, high quality friends, and you will not be able to figure out why you deserve them. The truth is, you don’t. But they are gifts from the Father to you. Just enjoy them. Be faithful to them. Love every single thing about them. Build history with them. Part of the joy of friendship is seeing how far you’ve come and seeing how far they’ve come. A few will see you at your worst (think cuckoo meltdown) and at your best (all dressed up for a night on the town) and they’ll love you the same. Some of these people will be around for years and some will be for a season. Either way, cherish them. Parts of each of them will mark you forever.
5. It’s okay to be vulnerable with people. You’re not going to really start believing this one until you’re 29 years and 11 months (better late than never). It’s not okay to withhold yourself from others. Yes, be wise. But know when to let your guard down. Sometimes letting your guard down will kick you in the butt and sometimes it will be better than you thought. Either way, it’s always worth the risk. 30-year-old Lauren is still learning this and she needs some grace in this area.
6. Speaking of grace, learn to give yourself some. Actually, learn to give yourself a LOT. You will always be harder on yourself than anyone else ever could be. This will cripple you if you let it. Try hard not to. When the enemy speaks something long enough, you’ll start thinking it’s your own voice because it’s so familiar. But make no mistake, continually hearing that you’re not enough or that you’re too much is a lie from the pit of hell. And you should treat it that way. Get ruthless with it because it has been ruthless with you. The truth is that you’re just right. Yes, there are always improvements that could be made. But God is completely happy and fully delighted in how He made you. All of your silly quirks are just right for him. And honestly, most people really enjoy you (at least that’s what you often hear).
7. Love and desire wisdom. Pastor Russ (pastor in High School) told a story that for decades anytime he tithed or put money in the offering plate, he would silently ask the Lord for wisdom in exchange. You’re going to remember that story for the rest of your life and will start asking for wisdom more than anything else. Hey, it worked out well for Solomon. :)
8. Learning to just be still is going to serve you well, but you’ll always have to be intentional about it. There is value in quieting your heart and spirit. It’s a discipline that you will have to develop, even though you naturally have a tendency to prefer the calm. Did you hear that? You have to develop it. Which means take steps and be intentional about it. It won’t always be easy to do, and sometimes you REALLY won't feel like it, but do it anyway. You'll be so glad you did.
9. While we’re on the subject, cultivate a deep, deep secret place with the Lord. He is good and amazing at every level and He only gets better the deeper you go. Proverbs says that it is the glory of God to conceal a matter; to search out a matter is the glory of kings. The best treasures are those that you have to seek, that are hidden. He’s an endless ocean and a bottomless sea (good line, Jonathan Helser). Sometimes the best part of God is that you can’t fully explain or understand Him. Embrace the mystery. Let His mysteriousness be endearing to you. It will make you love Him more if you let it. Don’t tap out early. I promise it is worth it.
10. Practice making your soul bow down. In Psalms, David repeatedly talks to his soul. Bless the Lord, oh my soul (Psalm 103). Why so downcast, O my soul? Put your hope in God...(Psalm 42) Learn to make your soul agree with truth, even when your emotions are off going cray cray. This will keep you from doing and saying some really regrettable things. And by the way, Jeremiah does the same thing in Lamentations and who doesn’t want to be like Jeremiah? Actually, not many people do. He was a weirdo. But he was a prophet called by God from the womb. Trump card.
11. There are going to be times that you feel unseen. Hold onto the truth that Jesus sees you. He really really does. He sees you and knows you and loves you through and through (thanks for the lyric, Will Reagan). It is the truth. He loves every quirk and personality trait about you. He loves all the perfect imperfections. He is the God who sees you and the God who hears you. Let that truth go deep inside your heart because you’re going to need to remember that over and over and over again. And over again.
12. Hide His Word in your heart. Let it go deep down inside of you. You’ll be surprised at how much you will remember and how much it will flow out of you, when you’re not even trying. It truly is a lamp unto your feet. When your emotions are going nuts (those dang emotions again), it will keep you grounded.
13. But don’t think that God is limited to only the Bible. Kris Vallotton says that, “All of the Bible is God, but not all of God is in the Bible.” Sometimes God is weird. It’s just a fact. He’ll offend your mind to get to your heart. Remember that sometimes He doesn’t do things like you always thought. But you can stake your life on the fact that He does everything better than you ever could dream, if you let Him. Did you hear that? If you let Him. Kris Vallotton (he’s your favorite teacher to listen to, by the way), also says that “Between the promise and the palace is process. Sometimes God takes a long time to act suddenly. And while you canlengthen the process, you can’t shorten it.” Don’t lengthen the process by being a stupid idiot and taking things into your own hands. Always, always, always choose to let Him rule, fully and completely, even when it’s hard, even when it isn’t comfortable. He’s a good leader.
14. Speaking of offense (kinda). Do not hold onto offense. From other people, or from God. In Matthew 11:6, Jesus says, “Blessed are they that do not take offense at me.” He doesn’t always do things they way you want. You’re going to feel super disappointed in life at times. But be conscious to not take offense. It will probably work its way in anyway, but let it go quickly. As far as humans go, people are going to hurt you and you will hurt others. Do whatever you have to do to let go of offense, even if the wound is valid and warranted. It goes down deep and yields nothing good. Make a decision to not partner with it. You’ll be a lot more free if you let it go sooner rather than later.
15. Travel as much as possible. Embrace new cultures and love odd foods and practices. One of the reasons He created the world was for you to take pleasure in it. Enjoy it! But you’ll learn that you rarely feel completely content, no matter where you are. You’ll get really close multiple times, but rarely get there. This is probably because you weren’t made for this earth. You were created for Heaven. This is not to be confused with lack of peace. It’s more that you instinctively know that you are made for greatness. And when you perceive yourself to not be living up to that, you’ll feel pretty blah. You’re going to wrestle with that off and on. Wrestling with God about something is totally fine--He’s not scared. Jacob wrestled with God (or angel, depending on your Bible school), and he walked away with a limp because his hip got touched. In the same way, wrestle with God about stuff if you need to, but let it leave a mark of intimacy when you’re done.
There’s probably a million more things I could say, but I think if 20-year-old Lauren could get these things down, she would be doing pretty well.
One thing I definitely hope she knows is to not fear 30. Because in the Kingdom of God, 30 is an important milestone, a rite of passage. The book of Numbers talks about the 20’s being the season of warfare, but the 30’s being the season where you could enter into the temple. Ezekiel was called as a prophet at age 30. David and Saul both became king at age 30. Priests didn’t officially start their duties until age 30. John the Baptist (I call him J the B in my head) was most likely 30 when he came out of the wilderness as a forerunner for his cousin Jesus Christ. And we all know that Jesus didn’t begin his ministry on earth until age 30. For whatever reason, God has placed significance on age 30. All of this gives me hope that my 30's are going to be awesome. For the past few weeks I have felt the excitement of Holy Spirit at my birthday. He’s really excited I was born. And to be honest, I’m glad I was too.
And one thing I am sure of: 30 is going to be amazing. Because He can do immeasurably more than I could ask or imagine. And I have a pretty wild imagination.
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